今天遭遇了存在主义危机，在老板面前崩溃了。
事情的起因是lab meeting时讨论到组里一个项目的数据分析计划，我突然发现硕士毕业论文里一个数据处理的步骤好像做错了。我硕士毕业已近一年，众所周知毕业论文除了论文委员会以外从此再也不会有人看一眼。但我心里就是过不去这个坎，因为我当时那么自信自己的量化能力，觉得自己的数据处理和统计方法绝对是最优解，还在致谢里写到多么多么为自己骄傲这个研究项目的结题，如今却突然发现可能是错误的。我开始怀疑自己论文的结论，怀疑自己的能力，怀疑自己的自我认知和自信，以至于钻进兔子洞开始怀疑自己的一切人生选择。
于是我一边哭，一边和老板说，难道我过去两年的硕士训练全是打水漂吗，我这样还能读博吗，我感觉我现在什么都不会测量了呜呜呜呜呜。
没想到老板居然在视频对面笑出了声LOL。接着她说，yep, welcome to research, welcome to the rest of your life!
看到她这样的反应，我好像也突然放松了下来。老板说，学术界就是这样的，没有人再能够告诉你确切的答案，我们都在不停犯错，不停怀疑自己。你永远有学不完的知识，你的每一篇paper都会有漏洞，这样的建立再推翻是永无止境的。你不会停止摔跤。You just fall further and harder, and fancier (referring to the meme we shared between us) :slight_smile: 有点吓人，是吗？
但是你不要为了一点小错误就全盘否定自己。 I’m pretty sure it’s not true that you don’t know how to measure anything. And you should be proud of your master’s project! We all just need to be open and have the courage to publicly make mistakes. And collaborate! You are 35% correct about something, and I might be 50% correct about something else (because I have been doing this longer), so together we might be 60% correct. That’s how we build science.
And next time when you have the chance to review a paper, remember today’s you, and remember the person behind the paper is another you or me. Yes their work won’t be perfect, but be nice about it when you point it out, and don’t dismiss their work entirely just because a small non-optimal measurement choice. Because they are, like you, just trying to do their best.
老板就这样陪我聊了两个小时。今天的两小时，我想我会在接下来的科研生涯中永久受益。写下来，留着给下次存在主义危机的自己救急。: )